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January 04, 2006
Ask Evil Princess Sara (Nuklear Power)
1. "Madame Guyo": After several days of frantic tea-searching and more than one busted leaf-bone, I have located you your perfect match. He goes by the name of Fighter, and he's closer than you might think.
EPS: MYAAAAAAH HAH HAH HAH HAH! HAH! HAH! HAH! HA -- ahem. You'll have to forgive me for that un-princessly outburst there. I don't know what I can have been thinking of. Actually, I'm afraid I do: the soul-chillingly terrifying spectacle of Fighter on the throne of Corneria.
2. "Evil Only in the Sense...": My cute little kitten keeps curling up to sleep on my stuffed animals. What should I do?
EPS: Does this look like "Ask White Mage: the Fluffiest, Sweetest Little Ray of Advice Column Sunshine Ever" to you?
3. "Person who thinks your a proffesional nitwit": If you are such a brilliantly evil being why didn't you wait to be kidnapped by Garland in FF9 since he is much more powerful then.
EPS: Moron. I didn't sign up to be kidnapped, Dr. Wily, and more importantly, I'm 8-bit, not 32- or 128-. Porting myself to the FF9 universe would be like sending Pac-Man into Metal Gear Solid 2.
[These are a few of my favorite responses from this "advice" column. Anyone who reads 8-bit Theatre, plays Final Fantasy games, or knows about video games in general should be able to get some good laughs out of these excerpts. A background in British literature also helps when reading some other responses. BK]
Posted by kuechebj at January 4, 2006 02:40 PM