March 09, 2008
Naïve Teacher Believes In Her Students (Onion)
"I remember when I started here," said Jim Hawes, who has taught math at Bishop Kelly for 11 years. "I thought I could get the kids to appreciate the symmetry of math and the intrinsic beauty of a balanced equation. That got beaten out of me midway through my second year, when my car was keyed, my house was TP'ed, I got 12 magazine subscriptions I never ordered, and someone phoned me at 1:30 in the morning and called me a faggot. Now, I'm just happy if they can parrot back the quadratic formula and don't put soap in my coffee." -The Onion
[Amen! I honestly love teaching English in college, particularly composition, but bad students ruin everything for everybody. BK]
Posted by kuechebj at 06:41 PM | Comments (2)
March 08, 2008
Jim Gaffigan and Hot Pockets! (YouTube)
[From Jim Gaffigan's Beyond the Pale comedy special. Hilarious! BK]
Posted by kuechebj at 07:35 PM | Comments (0)
March 01, 2008
VG Cats #248: Humble Suggestion (VG Cats)
[I found this webcomic hilarious because I know Elizabeth's research is on cookbooks and cooking. However, I imagine from a feminist perspective, many things are going wrong in these three panels. BK]
Posted by kuechebj at 08:34 PM | Comments (0)
December 27, 2007
Chuck Norris Mountain Dew Commercial (YouTube)
[Here is a hilarious ad for Mountain Dew featuring Chuck Norris and a You Tube-ish site. BK]
Posted by kuechebj at 09:45 AM | Comments (0)
November 29, 2007
Sneak Peak of James Blunt on Sesame Street (You Tube)
[Our Introduction to Composition professor watches a lot of Sesame Street with his young daughter and constantly references this version of James Blunt's "You're Beautiful". A good adaptation intended to teach kids about triangles, but nowhere near as hilarious as the "My Cubicle" parody. BK]
Posted by kuechebj at 05:30 AM | Comments (0)
October 09, 2007
Mr. Kuechenmeister Action Figure (Discourse Chronicle)
[Here is something Elizabeth and I imagined as a product: Mr. Kuechenmeister as an action figure! How awesome might I be as a talking 6" toy? We pictured a figure wearing dress clothes with a pull string that said one of three authentic sarcastic phrases such as: "Suck it up!" (motivational for 8:00am sections), "Deal with it!" (counters complaints), and "Quit yer bitchin'!" (effective against whining). Fortunately, my students understand my dry sense of humor because I could never say those things in a classroom and actually mean them. However, a Mr. Kuechenmeister action figure is still a hilarious concept. BK]
Posted by kuechebj at 09:38 PM | Comments (4)
July 27, 2007
Starbucks "Glen" Survivor Commercial (You Tube)
[Best commercial or greatest commercial? A hilarious parody of Survivor's "Eye of the Tiger" from Rocky III. BK]
Posted by kuechebj at 07:56 AM | Comments (0)
July 18, 2007
30-Second Bunnies Theatre Library (Angry Alien Productions)
[Hilarious re-enactments of great movies like Superman, Spider-Man 1 and 2, James Bond, and Star Wars along with others! From Monty Ernst. BK]
Posted by kuechebj at 04:08 PM | Comments (1)
July 17, 2007
Confessions of a Teenage Fug Queen (Go Fug Yourself)
Before we elect her the official ambassador of "how our society should be educated on," however, we thought we should put this budding young teacher to the test by taking a red pen to her screed**. And, sure, everyone makes mistakes now and then -- we certainly are not immune -- but we do feel that anyone calling us to educational arms (among other things) should be fairly well outfitted with weapons herself. -Heather
[A two page composition critique of an email sent from Lindsay Lohan's Blackberry. From Elizabeth. BK]
Posted by kuechebj at 11:43 AM | Comments (0)
July 03, 2007
Kwik-E-Mart Comes to Life (ABC News)
While fast food tie-ins are still a major part of generating hype for a new film, today Hollywood seeks larger and more creative means to create buzz. Call it organic, viral or guerrilla marketing.
The latest incarnation came this week when 7-Eleven transformed 12 of its convenience stores into caricatures of the Kwik-E-Mart as part of a promotion for "The Simpsons Movie." -Scott Mayerowitz
Posted by kuechebj at 03:51 PM | Comments (0)
July 01, 2007
My Cubicle (You Tube)
[A parody of James Blunt's "You're Beautiful". I heard it as part of a conference paper in Boston. BK]
Posted by kuechebj at 07:11 PM | Comments (0)
September 15, 2006
Our Father, who art in MySpace (Telegraph)
The campaign, which is run by the ecumenical charity Churches' Advertising Network, aims to provoke debate about God among young people this Christmas.
[...]
The group, which has no formal links with the Roman Catholic Church or the Church of England, has ruffled feathers in previous years by depicting Jesus as Che Guevara. It has also portrayed the Last Supper as a boardroom meeting of multinational companies, with Judas as Microsoft.
The latest image of Jesus among the beer dregs is supposed to highlight the trend for finding religious faces in ordinary objects and selling them on eBay. Examples include the Virgin Mary on a toasted cheese sandwich. -Amy Iggulden and Alex Wellman
[I dislike blogging on religious issues or stating my faith publicly (especially in Texas), but here is an advertisement with rhetorical merit. I might use it when I teach English 104 again in the spring. Iggulden and Wellman also point out an accompanying MySpace page featuring this Jesus ad. BK]
Posted by kuechebj at 02:58 PM | Comments (0)
March 24, 2006
Episode 676: Supernatural Selection (Nuklear Power)
Red Mage: All it required was a cocktail of dangerous, experimental surgery and a willingness to ignore the unnecessary suffering of perfectly innocent beings!
[Hilarious and wrong on so many levels, not only because it conjures up Frankenstein's monster and Victor Frankenstein (although those are on my mind right now). The two other things coming to my mind are the Hippocratic Oath and an ethical problem involving a patient who comes into a hospital for a routine check-up and above him are five patients who each need a different transplant in order to live.
The problem is that all of those necessary organs are in the patient getting a check-up and the doctor knows it. Therefore, the question is whether or not it would be ethical to remove those organs and save the five lives at the cost of an innocent patient. A great exercise in utilitarian thinking with many variants. BK]
Posted by kuechebj at 11:49 AM | Comments (0)
March 20, 2006
Theme from Shaft by Geoffrey Chaucer (Cross-Pollination)
Wha be tha blake prevy lawe
That bene wantoun too alle tha feres?
SHAFT!
Ya damne righte!
Wha be tha carl tha riske is hals wolt
Fro is allye leve?
SHAFT!
Konne ye?
Wha be tha carl wha wolden flee
Whan peril bene all aboughte?
SHAFT!
Verray!
Alle clepe tha carl ane badde mooder-swyver
SOFTE!
Speken of Shaft bene I.
THAN KONNE ALLES WE!
He be a man konne unnethes
Namo save is mayde konnes im.
JOHN SHAFT!
[Thanks to Matt Hoy for identifying this spoof on Jerz's Literacy Weblog. BK]
Posted by kuechebj at 01:55 PM | Comments (0)
February 18, 2006
Discourse Chronicle Word Cloud (Snap Shirts)
[From Girl Meets World. Another ridiculously fun web toy. BK]
Posted by kuechebj at 12:28 AM | Comments (0)
February 17, 2006
Apple Hackers Encounter a Poetic Warning (Yahoo!)
Apple confirmed Thursday it has included such a warning in its Intel-based computers since it started selling them in January.
The embedded poem reads: "Your karma check for today: There once was a user that whined / his existing OS was so blind / he'd do better to pirate / an OS that ran great / but found his hardware declined. / Please don't steal Mac OS! / Really, that's way uncool. / (C) Apple Computer, Inc."
Apple also put in a separate hidden message, "Don't Steal Mac OS X.kext," in another spot for would-be hackers.
[Hilarious! BK]
Posted by kuechebj at 03:06 PM | Comments (0)
February 16, 2006
Phloph's Scrabble Score Generator (Solfire)
Pholph's Scrabble Generator            My Scrabble© Score is: 28. What is your score? Get it here. |
[From Jerz's Literacy Weblog. Ridiculously fun. BK]
Posted by kuechebj at 08:29 PM | Comments (0)
February 09, 2006
Formidable Opponent: Eavesdropping (Colbert Report)
[From Beth Davies. In this clip, Colbert uses the Superman story as a justification for warrantless wiretapping. Usually Colbert's humor is hit or miss with me, but this one is possibly his worst skit yet. Although I always hated the Wonder Twins and their monkey Gleek in the cartoons, I cannot agree with a metaphor comparing Superman and President Bush based on responsible use of super (executive) powers. Based on my research with "Vote Lex 2000," Superman is a representative of the Democrats, while Lex Luthor is a representative of the Republicans. BK]
Posted by kuechebj at 05:33 PM | Comments (0)
February 08, 2006
Super Bowl XL Ads (Discourse Chronicle)
[Here is my assessment of Super Bowl XL ads. My favorites are Bud Light, Diet Pepsi (Jackie Chan), Aleve (Leonard Nimoy), careerbuilder.com, Ford, Sprint, and MasterCard.
Winners: Sierra Mist, Bud Light, Fed Ex, V for Vendetta, Diet Pepsi (Jackie Chan), Aleve (Leonard Nimoy), Cars, Budweiser, Mobile ESPN, careerbuilder.com, United Way, Mission Impossible 3, Dove, Shaggy Dog, Ford, Michelob, Poseidon, Disney, Sprint, Sharpie, NFL Mobile, World's Fastest Indian, ESPN, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest, Master Card .
Losers: Burger King, Toyota, 16 Blocks, Ameriquest, Cadillac, godaddy.com, Gillette, overstock.com, NFL Network, Motorola, nationwide.com, Hummer, PS, Taco Bell, Slim-Fast, McDonald's, Degree, Emerald Nuts, Fidelity, Honda, Beer, World Baseball Classic, Running Scared, Outback, Westin, network ads, and local ads. BK]
Posted by kuechebj at 11:49 PM | Comments (0)
January 31, 2006
Parappa M-I-Xes flour into a bowl, LIVE! (Joystiq)
Andreas Wieslander's bachelor thesis, entitled "IN REAL GAME," is "a project about marketing games through live performances, in order to focus on the games feel, rather than its graphics and sfx."
He has chosen the infectious beats and charms of the PlayStation classic Parappa the Rapper to illustrate this concept. They act out the roles of Cheep Cheep and Parappa in a rendition of "Cheep Cheep Cooking Chicken's Rap," complete with seafood cake, live backing band, and Parappa's jerky delivery. "Crack. Crack. Crack. The egg. Into. The bowl."
[From Nick Stepaniak. The link shows a three and a half minute video of this project. BK]
Posted by kuechebj at 08:23 PM | Comments (1)
January 20, 2006
FF Glory vs JLA (Nuklear Power)
[Hilarious web comic parody of a Super Friends episode starring 8-bit Superman and Batman who pose like Mega Man. The most hilarious part for me was the silent panel with the words: "Please, for the love of all that is holy, save me!" running across a screen. BK]
Posted by kuechebj at 03:49 PM | Comments (0)
Randomized Garfield (Jerz's Literacy Weblog | Memepool)
[From Dennis G. Jerz's blog. Here is a random generator supplying three different Garfield panels taken from various strips. Users may lock any panel and continue randomizing the others or lock all three. I question on Dennis's comments to this post whether or not this may be a step toward hypercomics. BK]
Posted by kuechebj at 03:28 PM | Comments (8)
January 10, 2006
Pungent Smell of Mildew (VG Cats)
Leo: This room looks like the other five thousand. The only difference is that over there the monsters will kill me a little faster than here. Oh and this melee class is working just super. I love getting wasted before dealing a single hit in.
[The panel comparing radii is hilarious. Any Final Fantasy player hit with spells like "Aqua Rake," "Quake," "Meteo," or "Ultima" should relate and laugh. BK]
Posted by kuechebj at 03:56 PM | Comments (0)
January 04, 2006
Ask Evil Princess Sara (Nuklear Power)
1. "Madame Guyo": After several days of frantic tea-searching and more than one busted leaf-bone, I have located you your perfect match. He goes by the name of Fighter, and he's closer than you might think.
EPS: MYAAAAAAH HAH HAH HAH HAH! HAH! HAH! HAH! HA -- ahem. You'll have to forgive me for that un-princessly outburst there. I don't know what I can have been thinking of. Actually, I'm afraid I do: the soul-chillingly terrifying spectacle of Fighter on the throne of Corneria.
2. "Evil Only in the Sense...": My cute little kitten keeps curling up to sleep on my stuffed animals. What should I do?
EPS: Does this look like "Ask White Mage: the Fluffiest, Sweetest Little Ray of Advice Column Sunshine Ever" to you?
3. "Person who thinks your a proffesional nitwit": If you are such a brilliantly evil being why didn't you wait to be kidnapped by Garland in FF9 since he is much more powerful then.
EPS: Moron. I didn't sign up to be kidnapped, Dr. Wily, and more importantly, I'm 8-bit, not 32- or 128-. Porting myself to the FF9 universe would be like sending Pac-Man into Metal Gear Solid 2.
[These are a few of my favorite responses from this "advice" column. Anyone who reads 8-bit Theatre, plays Final Fantasy games, or knows about video games in general should be able to get some good laughs out of these excerpts. A background in British literature also helps when reading some other responses. BK]
Posted by kuechebj at 02:40 PM | Comments (0)
December 20, 2005
Editing He-Man (Jerz's Literacy Weblog | Penny Arcade)
[Dennis Jerz (one of my mentors from undergraduate) blogged this and I thought it was hilarious. Most of the humor is in the last panel, which highlights how panel-to-panel transitions function from Scott McCloud's Understanding Comics, but some humor may come from Wikipedia's anonymous editing feature or its recent headlines with Encyclopedia Britannica. BK]
Posted by kuechebj at 10:45 AM | Comments (2)
December 08, 2005
Lex Luthor Vs. Bruce Wayne (Forbes)
“We cannot continue to put unlimited trust in beings who can crush coal into diamonds with their bare hands or move asteroids using energy beams,” says Luthor. “These superheroes--or as I like to call them, superzeros--have weaknesses, and the government should make an effort to learn them--guarding against the day when these do-gooders are no longer doing good.”
[...]
In a surprise move, Wayne, who is more famous for his dalliances with heiresses and supermodels than his politics, has rallied to the side of the superheroes. “I just think it is anti-American to argue that law-abiding people with incredible abilities should not be allowed to put on masks and save the planet,” says Wayne. “The effort to create a Global Superhero Positioning System smacks of Big Brother.”
[Found on Superman Homepage. Here is an Onion-style article pitting Luthor against Wayne over whether or not superheroes need to be restrained. BK]
Posted by kuechebj at 10:22 AM | Comments (0)
December 07, 2005
Celebrity etiquette (Observer)
It's that time again. The Material Girl's got a new look, she's released an album, and all the other celebrities are expressing their outrage - an activity commonly known as 'Madonna bashing'.
Sharon Osbourne waded in with: 'One day you're in gun gear, then you're in horse gear, then you dress like a dyke, then you dress like a hooker, then you're in a flowery dress reading kids' poetry looking like a librarian.'
Posted by kuechebj at 03:58 PM | Comments (0)
December 02, 2005
Emily the Stowaway Cat Lands in Wisconsin (Yahoo! News)
MILWAUKEE - Emily the cat is back — after flying home in the lap of luxury. The curious cat who wound up traveling to France in a cargo container touched down at the Milwaukee airport on Thursday, greeted by her family and a horde of reporters.
[...]
Her sumptuous return in business class on a Continental Airlines flight was a sharp departure from her trip to France, where she was found thin and thirsty but still alive.
Posted by kuechebj at 04:41 PM | Comments (0)
November 23, 2005
Smoker tried to open plane door (BBC News)
A French woman has admitted attempting to open an aeroplane door mid-flight so that she could smoke a cigarette.
Sandrine Helene Sellies, 34, who has a fear of flying, had drunk alcohol and taken sleeping tablets ahead of the flight from Hong Kong to Brisbane.
[From Aryn Widule's blog. Aryn is a former student and English Festivalien of mine. A hilarious storyteller and amazing person! BK]
Posted by kuechebj at 10:59 PM | Comments (0)
November 22, 2005
Insomniac Poetry II (Discourse Chronicle)
"Smatterwashed Blue" by Joshua Butcher
Walking along the smatterwashed blue,
The traveller under burdening boughs,
He comes, he goes, from where to whence,
A seven day journey for a sovereign sixpence.
A seven day journey for a sick, spent sovereign.
Sauntering jaunt that vaunts him along long ways,
A long way away spies the damsel in grey.
Stay said his companion (within him abreast),
Stay he replied pounding and clasping still.
Flying along the batterbled green,
The traveller over spring sponge tuft,
He goes, he comes, from whence to here,
Left over minding made marked memory.
A long way she sighs in shades of yearn,
Sway swoon says her ghostly complexion,
Swathe not she replied in corporal tones,
And never the Twain shall meet.
And evermore shall the Poe be with us,
There are no Wordsworth our times,
So Swift our past--through the fires of slight.
Will she be rescued, will she be saved?
Will she be colored, no longer grey?
Shaded in red, smattered with blood,
Turns of the tide; sweet summoner flood.
[Thanks, Josh! BK]
Posted by kuechebj at 12:32 AM | Comments (0)
Insomniac Poetry (Discourse Chronicle)
"Philosophical Poetic Polemic" by Joshua Butcher
Snippets of time snatch quality space,
Space and time, one Hegel-of-a Kantinuum.
Plato with play dough fashioned the Forms,
Oh bother, said Aristotle, what’s the Matter?
Then Aquinas went medieval on his class[(re)(ifications)]!
But let us not forget that saintly sex-crazed monk,
Who brought us an august catholic confessional.
I back and Thou forth, merry go we round,
Swing pendulum swing, slip up, slide down,
Its all this, its all that, Sisyphus climbs up to your lap,
And ponder this sitting and setting of System,
Drink deep of the swell, of the Spirit, of the Agon,
Polemical dialectics of Kierkegaardian proportion,
Heidegger you dig her we dig her now (but only just),
Shall we slip and elide the Lacanian subject,
And pass on to go by the power of Foucault?
If the Idea is an ideal conjunction junction,
Can faithless Form lead to full-bodied function?
It all pell-mell to gorgeous Gorgias going, going, goes,
And anything goes; those running with feet, on their toes.
And (Dar)rida I leave out, so many dear de—parted friends,
I trust they are forever so clever: just means to dead ends.
[Josh is a colleague of mine from the Communication department who allowed me to post his poems here. He shared this and another one in Rhetoric and Poetics a few weeks ago. It brought me to tears from laughing so hard. BK]
Posted by kuechebj at 12:20 AM | Comments (4)
November 21, 2005
New Animated Boondocks continues to create controversy and challenges political correctness (Signal Online)
The Boondocks are the misadventures of two African American brothers who relocated from the city to the suburbs with their grandfather. Through their socially conscious perspectives, the siblings discuss the problems plaguing our society today. McGruder has managed to criticize every scope of American culture from the hypocrisy of the government and the Bush administration to the sensationalized circus that the media has become. And now he will take The Boondocks to the next level with a new animated television series based on the critically acclaimed comic strip.
[Boondocks came up during a discussion in Rhetoric and Poetics last week. BK]
Posted by kuechebj at 02:52 PM | Comments (0)
November 09, 2005
Oprah Viewers Patiently Awaiting Instructions (The Onion)
CHICAGO, IL–With nearly three weeks having passed since talk-show host Oprah Winfrey last issued an official command, approximately 60 million Oprah Winfrey Show viewers are on standby, stationed in front of their television sets and patiently awaiting further instructions from their leader.
[I had nothing against Oprah for the longest time, but then she surpassed Superman as the greatest pop culture icon of all-time, according to VH1. It was a sad night for me as I yelled at my television, just as sad as the morning I heard James Cameron's Titanic de-throned George Lucas's Star Wars as the top grossing film of all-time. BK]
Posted by kuechebj at 05:15 PM | Comments (0)
Metal Council Convenes To Discuss 'Metal Hand Sign' Abuse (The Onion)
VATNAJÖKULL GLACIER, ICELAND—In an emergency session Tuesday, members of the Supreme Metal Council strongly condemned the increasing use of the metal hand sign in lay society, claiming that its meaning has become perverted by overuse.
[One of my supervisors is a folklorist who researches heavy metal music. BK]
Posted by kuechebj at 05:13 PM | Comments (0)
Redbook Reporter Refuses To Disclose Source Of Recipe (The Onion)
ATLANTA—A federal judge said Monday that magazine writer Nancy Steuber will be held in contempt of court if she continues to withhold the source of a recipe for maple-glazed ham published in Redbook magazine in February.
Posted by kuechebj at 05:09 PM | Comments (0)
November 07, 2005
The Punisher (VG Cats)
[Nope, this one is a webcomic, meaning you gotta see it. Good composition humor. Pay attention, though. i had 2 read this 1 twice. BK]
Posted by kuechebj at 03:29 PM | Comments (0)
Daniel Craig Born to Play James Bond 007 (Spoof)
In further efforts to try to repaint history and convince the movie-going public that Daniel Craig was the producer’s first and only choice to replace Pierce Brosnan as James Bond, Eon Productions and Sony Pictures have issued a formal statement that they used genetic engineers to breed the actor in an incubator in 1968 for the specific purpose of becoming James Bond in 2005.
[Daniel Craig's debut as Bond will be in next year's Casino Royale, based on Ian Fleming's first Bond novel, but Craig is already not winning fans. BK]
Posted by kuechebj at 02:08 PM | Comments (0)
November 05, 2005
Kids are Quick (David J. Fehringer)
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
FRANK: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
_________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
_______________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
_________________________________________
TEACHER: Goss, why do you always get so dirty?
GOSS: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE: I is...
TEACHER: No, Millie, the teacher interrupted..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
_________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking
When people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
[Thanks for the forward, Thurston. I always like pedagogical humor. BK]
Posted by kuechebj at 10:52 AM | Comments (0)